One of the core values in effective relationships is respect. Without it, it is difficult to experience love and trust, or at least, caring and fairness. Respect occurs as a wide spectrum of factors, ranging from love to fear. Some of the reasons why people respect another are:
- They love the other person.
- They are loved by the other person.
- They like the other person and enjoy their company.
- The other person is or has been very helpful.
- They are in awe of the other person.
- The other person is very helpful.
- The other person has accomplished much.
- The other person is ethical, fair, or virtuous.
- The other person is powerful.
- They are afraid of the other person since they can inflict harm.
What other factors do you think result in respect?
Hart and Hodson, the authors of Respectful Parents Respectful Kids, stress that respect must start with the “self”. They suggest daily exercises that only take a few minutes during which you clearly determine your values by reflecting on:
- what’s important to you,
- remembering what you are grateful for,
- appreciating yourself for your efforts,
- giving yourself empathy for your challenges, and
- celebrating how you are meeting your needs.
The goal is to become more aware of your own authenticity. These are the values by which you are living by and they will have the considerable influence with your children. Whether you discuss them openly or not, how you live these values will be remembered most by your children.
Just to make things more difficult, your values will differ from your child’s … and from the other parent. How you deal with these differences will determine how smooth the ride will be on the way to cooperation.
Navigating successfully through these different value systems may require new skills. You may even have to develop new attitudes. This book introduces many ideas and exercises to help create more cooperative, and therefore more effective, communication habits.
“If there is anything that we wish to change in our children,
we should first examine it and
see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves.”
Carl G. Jung, Swiss Psychiatrist, Influential Thinker,
Founder of Analytical Psychology (1875-1961)